I don’t know how many people can say their moms are one of their best friends, but I can. She sees my potential and won’t let me quit. She’s just as hurt as I am about The Howling Heart not getting published. She loves the story and read it 3 times. She believes in it and wants to see it published, so she has made it her personal goal to make it happen. And she told me she hasn’t had a goal in years! So next year, she and I are going to put together a plan to get the story published. Notice I didn’t say “try to get it published”. No, her goal is to get The Howling Heart in print and e-book by 2014. She’s thinking BIG, because she wants it on the shelves. I think that may be pushing it; online-only is fine with me. She’s a lot more optimistic than I am. We spoke about involving her co-worker who used to be a newspaper editor and my uncle who has been very successful in the educational field. Sometimes who you know and their connections can make all the difference. I feel like a passenger on this ride, because my mom has decided to take the wheel. I was ready to just let the story die. I tried for 19 months to get it published through 19 publishers and 52 agents. I shared the story for free for 3 years to test it with readers, get feedback, and spread the word. For 10 months, I designed artwork to promote the story and draw readers in. Because of one special reader who loved the story too, I was able to get an agent who happened to be her sister. But I only had her for a short while before she got very ill. After that, I tried to get another agent, but no one wanted me as a client. Everything that I tried to get my novel published had failed. But where I failed on my own, maybe my mom can help me succeed.
When I lose the passion for something or it frustrates me, it’s time to stop…especially when it’s within my control. First, it was writing and now graphic design. Last night, I made the decision to delete my deviantART account. I was a member for 7 years, but actively sharing a lot of artwork and free stories for 10 months. Just like with writing, I decided I didn’t want to continue with graphic art because it wasn’t fulfilling. I’ve been sharing free stories and artwork since 2005 and I’ve come to the realization they weren’t getting me where I want to be. I don’t want to waste my time anymore doing something that’s not beneficial to me. More importantly, if I’m not happy, then the best thing for me is to quit.
After all the bad news I’ve been getting lately, I needed something to make me smile. What better way to brighten my mood than sexy, male eye candy. I found these new photos of German model, Lucas Buchwald. He’s the young man whose face graces the cover of A Rose to the Fallen. There are only a few people in this world that I think have perfect faces and Lucas is definitely one of them. His body is pretty flawless too!
I had this entry sitting in Drafts for months because I knew I would have to post it. I made this same announcement back in April, but I’m not happy I have to say it again. The Howling Heart will not be published. Correction—will NEVER be published. This also means I won’t be writing the sequel. The Writer’s Coffee Shop Publishing House (who originally published the Fifty Shades trilogy) rejected my full submission after I had passed Round 1 with a detailed synopsis and first three chapters. They were the last publisher I was waiting to respond. The reason they gave me was the story “doesn’t fit their needs at this time”. It’s yet another typical, vague, bullshit response that I’m used to getting from agents and publishers. I’ve been trying to get my second novel published for 19 months and I’ve finally reached the end of the road. I can now say my publishing journey for The Howling Heart is over. I want to thank some of my readers who stuck with me and tried to help me get it published. I’ll always appreciate your efforts and support. I tried, but unfortunately…it just didn’t work out. As a result of this latest news, I’ve once again updated my Bio, FAQs and publisher list.
Well, my PDF on Box has been removed. I noticed some people took it upon themselves to upload it on file share sites without my permission. I remember first seeing my PDF a long time ago on Share Term Papers and I let it go, but I recently found it on more sites. It’s bad enough I have to deal with people uploading A Rose to the Fallen without my permission and taking money out of my pocket, but when people do it for a story that’s ALREADY FREE and without my permission, well…that just snaps my final nerve. To add to my frustration with the unauthorized uploads, Box was messing with my PDF by distorting the true download count. I was using their site to help me track downloads. They said their engineers were doing some “testing” with download notifications for people who reported issues in the past. I reported an issue I had with the file a long time ago and they never fixed it. Mind you, they told me this AFTER the fact. They didn’t warn me first or say they would be reopening my closed ticket. I have since deleted my account. As a result of my actions, I have updated by Bio, Books, and FAQ pages.
I just thought I’d mention this because I see some people visiting my site after searching for “the howling heart goodreads”. The book is not on Goodreads because it’s not published. You won’t find many reviews. I mentioned a couple on my blog, but other than that, there is no central place to read them.